Stressing the Fuck Out!

I am stressed...for a change. Sometimes I feel like I am not happy unless I feel stress and pressure in my life. I hate it, but I have be come so used to it that I can't function without it. It's like a drug- I need it to get anything done. It motivates me, it makes me get things done, but I hate it.

What am I stressed about? Everything.

1. My Parents
I love my parents more than anything. But they pressure me to come home all the time! Which is a good thing because it shows they love me and want to be around me. It makes me feel guilty. They have done so much for me and I never see them anymore. I feel like the least I can do to show my love and gratitude is visit them, but it is hard when they are in New York and I am in California. I do not get much time off work, so they come see me. I can't afford the ticket home, so they buy me one when I do have time to make the trip. I just want to make them proud and show them I love them.

2. My Job
I get treated like shit by the men I work with. I work twice as hard as my male counter parts for half of the credit. I work longer hours. I don't take a lunch, but the boys take a breakfast and a lunch. The men treat me like a dumb blonde while I am better educated. It makes me wonder if this is the right career path. Do I want to work for a company that only rewards WASPy men? But it pays the bills...

3. The Bills
And when I say bills, what I really mean are the massive amounts of student loans I have to pay. It makes me wonder, is it worth it? Is a BA from one of the world's top universities and an MBA from another one worth the money invested? They say education is also costly NOT to have, but at the same time ignorance is bliss. You might have a shitty, dead-end job without the degrees, but you would not know the joys of paying student loans until you die.

4. My Body
This is an on-going struggle and probably always will be. Ever since having eating disorders, my mom tells me in such a loving and caring way that only a mother can, that I am "fucked in the head." It's true. I have never been happy with my body. I spend hours at the gym running and doing sit-ups, but it is never enough. I watch everything I eat, but it is still too much. I make myself crazy! I should feel lucky that I can afford food, and I am healthy enough to go to the gym.

5. Life
Life in general is stressful.


So what do I do? How do I handle this?

1. Yoga.
Lots and lots of yoga. The more stressed I get, the more I practice. Needless to say, my practice is coming along very nicely these days! Although last night the instructor told me my legs are too long to really master the art of yoga. That sucked!

2. Shopping!
But only after the loan payments are made. For my birthday, I totally hit up my favorite BCBG store in Santa Monica. I LOVE the salesman there. He is so flamboyantly gay and nice and funny. I love him. Gay men are the perfect shopping companion- you get the male and female perspective in a brutally honest way all at once! I have bought a couple dresses from him in the past, so I knew he would help me find something good. He found my a hot navy pinstripe suit with ivory slingbacks. He said every woman needs a good pair of slingbacks, and this pair won't pinch! He said he owns the same pair in a size 11 and would never try to sell me something he couldn't personally endorse. I was not sure how to react to that one!

3. Nights out with the girlies!
The girls always know that a night of tequilla shots and dancing will cheer me up.

4. A good book.
I am a super nerd at heart. I love to read and nothing helps me temporarily escape my life than getting lost in a book.

Seriously, I Watch Too Much Grey's Anatomy. Seriously. And Other Things That Annoy Me

I watch waaay too much Grey's Anatomy. I watch it on television. I watch it on DVD. I watch it on abc.com. And now I have started talking like Meredith. I say seriously all the time! This is not good. I love the movie "Old School" because it is fucking hilarious...but Ellen Pompeo is in it. I hate the movie "The Wedding Planner," but watched it on TV tonight because Justin Chambers is in it. I like "Sideways" because I am practically an alcoholic (not really, but I love wine) and Sandra Oh is in it. "Knocked Up"- Katherine Heigl. "Can't Buy Me Love"- Patrick Dempsey. Do you need me to continue, or are we seeing a pattern here? I act like the characters are close, personal friends. This is not healthy. At least I don't plan my social schedule and life around the show. Thank god they have the episodes online! Yes, I am a loser.

"The Wizard of Oz." A great movie. I loved it as a kid because of the great story. I loved it as I got older because it offers a great social/political/economic/etc commentary on the United States at the time the movie was made. Now, I just think those Munchkins are fucking creepy. They are practically Oompa Loompas! Except not to menacing. (Are Oomps Loompas evil? I never could figure that one out.) Half of them are children and the other half are adults. These pseudo-people just weird me out! When I was sick, I was able to watch a little bit of the movie when it was on television. I never realized how strange those things were until that point. I had to change the channel whenever they were in a scene.

Chain Jewelry Store Commercials. Zales, Keys, etc, all these crappy wannabe jewelers. I hate their holiday commercials. They show dopey men giving their wives shitty diamonds. And the stupid bitches are actually excited! If some dumbass gave me jewelery, let alone DIAMONDS, from one of these stores, I would be fucking pissed. Why would he waste his money on bad jewelry? Bad move. If he can't afford the good stuff, then don't even bother. It is an insult! I know what good jewelery is and I know what crappy shit is. Do not act like I can't tell the difference. Just get me clothes or lingerie or something.

"Pretty Woman." I love this movie. But honestly, a millionaire would not ask out a hooker.

Okay, enough venting. I feel better!

I Am Old

On 16 November 2007 I turned 25. I am old.

Popcorn

For some odd reason, popcorn is one of my favorite foods. I think it is because it has sentimental value to me.

When my sisters and I were little, my mom refused to get a microwave. It wasn't like we couldn't afford one. My mom had a moral objection. She is a great mother, and was afraid they would cause cancer or something. So for the longest time my mom made popcorn the old-fashion way- on the stove! No matter how hard I try, it never tastes as good when I try to make it on the stove. But then again, nothing ever tastes as good as your mom made it. In an effort to save money, my mom used to "smuggle" this popcorn into the movie theater in brown paper bags! At the time, I was embarrassed and thought the movie theater popcorn looked and smelled SO much better than the homemade kind. Looking back, I really miss those days!

My mom's mother, on the other hand, was ahead of her time and had one of those new-fangled microwave thing-a-majigs! It was such a treat for my sisters and I when we visited my grandparents and had microwave popcorn. My little old Italian grandmother would sit with us and turn the kernels of popped corn into animals and other shapes. Those are the fondest memories I have of my grandparents- sitting around their kitchen table and entertaining ourselves with a bag of microwave popcorn.

My mom's sister, my Aunt Paula, used to make popcorn balls around the holidays in December. Every Christmas Day, we would munch on them while opening gifts. She sends them to me every year on my birthday,

The Flu That Almost Killed Me

Yes, I realize the title of this entry is a bit dramatic, but I was going for that...and I thought it sounded James Bond-esque (like "The Spy Who Loved Me" or "A View to a Kill"). My life's ambition is still to be a Bond Girl, but not the kind who dies and I want to be one of the bad ones...but this is not the point. Wednesday night I can home from a night a tequilla shots and tortilla chips with one of my girl friends. I was cold (which if you know me at all is quite common) and then hot and then cold again. Then I realized, I had a fever. Bad news. Then the stomach issues started. And the sore throat. Before I knew it, it was time to go to the gym and I had not slept all night. I called in sick to work and slept all day...for four days straight. I did manage to make two emergency runs to the market for reinforcements, each followed by an email check.

It is killing me not to have my normal life. I feel like a cat- sleeping all day, gross, and lazy. I hate this feeling of being unproductive. I missed the gym four days in a row- an unprecedented record I hope never to beat. I think the last time I was in such bad shape was when I had my wisdom teeth out in high school. But at least then I had my mommy to take care of me and I actually was feeling good enough to enjoy a few days off. This time, the only thing I have felt good enough to do up to this point was sleep.

And now, this leads me to wonder how I became the lucky recipient of this flu virus. I have a few theories:
1. The weeks of travel and working long hours with little sleep and lots of stress have caught up with me.
2. There is a woman at work who caught the flu from her two year old daughter, who caught it at daycare. When I called in sick, I found out half the office was also out sick. This is just one more reason why I HATE kids.
3. I am seriously allergic to tequilla and tortilla chips.

I feel Number 2 is the most viable option, although the factors mentioned in Number 1 are a contributing force. Never blame the tequilla.

I think I am too old to be getting sick like this! Or at least I feel like I am. Maybe it is just because I have not been sick in a long time, and when I have it has not lasted long. I spoke with my parents my theories, and they support the 1-2 combo. They told me that they never got sick until my sisters and I went off to pre-school. They whenever we got sick, they got sick. Thankfully, my dad never went to work sick and my mom never saw her friends sick, so they were not guilty of this villainous spread of child-induced illness. Seriously, if your fucking dumbass kid can't keep his/her/its dirty fingers out of his/her/its mouth, that is your problem, not mine! And just because your stupid kid gets you sick, does not give you the right to still go about your daily life and infect the rest of the population. Grrrrr.

Did I mention I get kinda bitchy when I am not feeling well? This bitchiness is exacerbated by lack of going to the gym and social interaction.

Let us hope, for all of mankind, that I get better soon, so the bitchiness will subside to a tolerable level.