In the three weeks I have been in Portland, there have been a number of occasions when I have reverted to my former bitchy, East Coast alter-ego. But I don't look at it as me being mean or bitchy...I call it having the chutzpah to say what most people only think.
1. The Ram Incident
I wrote about this in my previous blog. I told some asshole in a Prius that I judge men on the size of their engine and his wasn't saying anything good about him.
2. Dependable Auto Shippers
The name of the company that shipped my Civic up is Dependable Auto Shipper. Dependable my ass! They were over a week late getting my car to me, and the bastards scratched and dented it up. I think the company should reevaluate the relevance of its name. Anyway, when some fucker from the company called me up to say they would be delivering my car the next day, I let him have it. I told him he had been come when it was convenient for me because to this point I was very disappointed by my experience. Buddy told me it wasn't his problem that DAS was slow and damaged my car! I said, "As an employee of DAS, it is your fucking problem, asshole! I am a customer and as a result I help your goddamn salary. Now, you are going to come and bring me my car tomorrow when I tell you to." And then he hung up on me. I called back (woohoo for caller ID) and asked to speak with his supervisor. I told her the story and said her underling better get my car to me at my convenience, or she'll wish he had. The next day the underling delivered my car and apologized.
3. The Rat
The next anecdote was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen in my life. The People's Republic of Portland has a great public transit system (called TriMet) of trains, street cars, and buses. And they have a fareless area downtown, so I get to use it for free. So, I am on my way to yoga reading a "How to Ride the TriMet" brochure on a train. I look up and this girl has a fucking RAT perched on her should like a parrot or something! Ew ew ew ew! I wanted to vomit...it was so gross. And then the vermin started crawling all over her...ew ew ew ew!!!! I hate rats. I could not imagine having one as a pet, let alone allowing the filthy thing to touch me. I go back to reading the brochure, and there is a section on pets. Hmmm...how timely. It reads, and I quote, "Keep all animals in a pet carrier(except service animals)." Interesting. So I walk over to the girl and say, "Excuse me, but is that I seeing-eye rat? Are you visually impaired?" The hippie looks at me like I am insane and says no. I hand her the brochure and told her, "Put that goddamn fucking animal in a cage before I get you kicked off the train." Her jaw hit the floor and I continued on my way to yoga.
4. Yoga
I practice yoga. I prefer a more athletic style of power yoga. I like to get my ass kicked! If I don't sweat then I feel like I didn't work hard enough. I have been trying out different studios in hope of finding one that fits my needs. One of the classes I went to claimed to "an intense athletic practice for more seasoned yogis that is intended for those who are physically fit." I figured this would be a good class for me. I get there and it turns out to be an hour and a half of STRETCHING. I was pissed. So, I am standing there in natarajasanavinyasa (http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/936) feeling extremely frustrated. I must have been had some sort of look on my face because the instructor came over and asked if everything was okay. I said, "No everything is not okay. I just paid $20 for an hour and a half of stretching when I thought I was going to be taking an advance class. I would have burned more calories shopping. I would like my money and the hour and a half I wasted back." Yoga hippie did not like this and suggested if I thought I could do better, I could teach the class myself. I said, "Okay, move over and I will." This did not go over too big either, and I was asked to vacate the premises. Opps, guess I won't be going back there!
I would like to add the disclaimer that I do not normally behave like this and it is just an extension of my frustration with Portland. But, on a positive note, I am FINALLY starting to meet some people of the non-granola variety. I expect this to contribute to an improve attitude towards the city and a less chutzpah-like disposition.
1. The Ram Incident
I wrote about this in my previous blog. I told some asshole in a Prius that I judge men on the size of their engine and his wasn't saying anything good about him.
2. Dependable Auto Shippers
The name of the company that shipped my Civic up is Dependable Auto Shipper. Dependable my ass! They were over a week late getting my car to me, and the bastards scratched and dented it up. I think the company should reevaluate the relevance of its name. Anyway, when some fucker from the company called me up to say they would be delivering my car the next day, I let him have it. I told him he had been come when it was convenient for me because to this point I was very disappointed by my experience. Buddy told me it wasn't his problem that DAS was slow and damaged my car! I said, "As an employee of DAS, it is your fucking problem, asshole! I am a customer and as a result I help your goddamn salary. Now, you are going to come and bring me my car tomorrow when I tell you to." And then he hung up on me. I called back (woohoo for caller ID) and asked to speak with his supervisor. I told her the story and said her underling better get my car to me at my convenience, or she'll wish he had. The next day the underling delivered my car and apologized.
3. The Rat
The next anecdote was one of the most disgusting things I have ever seen in my life. The People's Republic of Portland has a great public transit system (called TriMet) of trains, street cars, and buses. And they have a fareless area downtown, so I get to use it for free. So, I am on my way to yoga reading a "How to Ride the TriMet" brochure on a train. I look up and this girl has a fucking RAT perched on her should like a parrot or something! Ew ew ew ew! I wanted to vomit...it was so gross. And then the vermin started crawling all over her...ew ew ew ew!!!! I hate rats. I could not imagine having one as a pet, let alone allowing the filthy thing to touch me. I go back to reading the brochure, and there is a section on pets. Hmmm...how timely. It reads, and I quote, "Keep all animals in a pet carrier(except service animals)." Interesting. So I walk over to the girl and say, "Excuse me, but is that I seeing-eye rat? Are you visually impaired?" The hippie looks at me like I am insane and says no. I hand her the brochure and told her, "Put that goddamn fucking animal in a cage before I get you kicked off the train." Her jaw hit the floor and I continued on my way to yoga.
4. Yoga
I practice yoga. I prefer a more athletic style of power yoga. I like to get my ass kicked! If I don't sweat then I feel like I didn't work hard enough. I have been trying out different studios in hope of finding one that fits my needs. One of the classes I went to claimed to "an intense athletic practice for more seasoned yogis that is intended for those who are physically fit." I figured this would be a good class for me. I get there and it turns out to be an hour and a half of STRETCHING. I was pissed. So, I am standing there in natarajasanavinyasa (http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/936) feeling extremely frustrated. I must have been had some sort of look on my face because the instructor came over and asked if everything was okay. I said, "No everything is not okay. I just paid $20 for an hour and a half of stretching when I thought I was going to be taking an advance class. I would have burned more calories shopping. I would like my money and the hour and a half I wasted back." Yoga hippie did not like this and suggested if I thought I could do better, I could teach the class myself. I said, "Okay, move over and I will." This did not go over too big either, and I was asked to vacate the premises. Opps, guess I won't be going back there!
I would like to add the disclaimer that I do not normally behave like this and it is just an extension of my frustration with Portland. But, on a positive note, I am FINALLY starting to meet some people of the non-granola variety. I expect this to contribute to an improve attitude towards the city and a less chutzpah-like disposition.
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