There Are Good Things About Oregon??

If you have read any of my previous posts, you have probably gathered that I still have not come to terms with the fact that I live in Oregon. Fucking Oregon. With the hippies and tree-huggers and granola-loving environmentalists. I don’t feel like I fit in here, or that I am accepted. But at the same time, I don’t think I am giving the state a fair chance.

Over the weekend, I had lunch with Portland’s hottest gay couple, aka Doug and Kasey. I told them how I felt like I was the only like me in the city. And they pointed out that the fact that I am here should show me that I am probably not the only one. And it will just take some time to find my kindred capitalist, shoe-loving spirits.

I think I tell EVERYONE I talk to about my feelings towards Portland and Oregon. As a result, I have received the below email on numerous occasions. (The bold text are my comments...I always put my two cents in!) Up until this point, the only good things about living here are- 1) no sales tax and 2) they pump your gas. So, I am going to try really really really hard to like it here.

Why Oregon Rocks....If you already didn't know!

OREGON PEOPLE (also referred to as Oregonians, Oregonites, and Oregeishans)

We are in Oregon, the best state in the US, which means we have skiing in the east, farm country in the valley, wine country in the south, skiing (again) right smack in the middle, the ocean out to the west, and not too many suburbs since we have urban growth boundaries, take your pick.

The Rose Festival includes the largest all floral parades in the country.

P-town is the City of Roses.

Portland has more strip clubs per capita than any other city in the country. (BOW-CHICKA-WOW-WOW!!!)

We can drink any city/state under the table.

We have more microbreweries per capita than Germany! (i.e. we have a better night life than you!)

We have more ghost towns than any other state - yeah, we're pretty spooky.

We don't have to pump our own gas.

We don't have sales tax, either.Average Precipitation - 37" (less than Atlanta, Baltimore, Houston or Seattle - and without that nasty humidity) - Take that!

More people drink Pabst Blue Ribbon in Portland than anywhere else in the US.

Rogue Ale Brewery, Full Sail, Pelican Brewery, Widmer, Deschutes Brewery and so much more! So many choices... so many beers... again with the best night life...

We can hit the club, drink at a friend's house, go to the beach, and go skiing all in one weekend, year round.

We have the country's leading clean-air mass transit system for all those who care about breathing...

Matt Groening, creator of The Simpson's is from P-town and his father's name is Homer.

We know how to drive, period. (I UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AGREE WITH THIS ONE!!!!!)

Tillamook cheese is the shit!

We have The Original Pancake House.

All of you played the Oregon Trail computer game and drowned your oxen on purpose... and you know it. (OH, THIS WAS TOTALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE GAMES! EVEN AS A SECOND GRADER I WAS A NERD AND LIKED THE EDUCATIONAL COMPUTER GAMES.)

Winter and spring may cause you to rust, but the summers average around 80 with no humidity.

A shout out to our neighbors below us...Please go back, back to Cali, Cali... (I TAKE OFFENSE TO THIS! THE PEOPLE OF OREGON NEED TO BE ACCEPTING OF DIFFERENT CULTURES!)

We take snow days whenever because it's always snowing on Mt. Hood.

TV shows about rich kids whining haven't got shit on The Simpson's. Oh and don't forget The Shining..."Here's Johnnnnyyyy!!" ... that was filmed at Timberline Lodge ((rebecca's note: no it wasn't. they used timberline for the outward appearance but the majority of the movie was filmed in CO)). One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest was filmed in the State Hospital in Salem. And Animal house was filmed in Eugene Oregon. Kindergarden Cop, The Goonies, Short Circuit, Free Willy, Chuthlu, and The Ring 2 were all filmed in Astoria. Mr. Holland's Opus was filmed at Grant High School in Portland.

Fuck Blue Crab... Dungeness Crab is the shit, no butter necessary.

We have Crater Lake, America's deepest lake and Hells Canyon, the world's deepest river carved canyon.

We don't have an accent.

Every time you see one of the Trail Blazers, not on the basketball court, they are high. We can't blame them,

Oregon herb is dank.

Grown men who wear Birkenstocks are manly... (in Eugene) (EWWWWW)

We clam bake, hot box, and smoke out, not up.

We get off school for one inch of snow. (OHHH I CAN”T WAIT FOR THIS!! I WENT TO SCHOOL IN FOUR FEET OF SNOW AND DIDN”T THINK ANYTHING OF IT. SCHOOL WOULD ONLY BE CANCELED IF THE POWER WAS OUT…OR IF THE GAS FROZE IN THE FUELS OF THE SCHOOL BUSES…YEP, IT GETS THAT COLD IN RAAAAAAACHESTER!)

Our crab is better than Maine's lobster.

We have the best Shakespeare Festival in the world.

Move over Napa Valley... the Willamette Valley is coming to getchya!

Medical Mary J aint bad either

You can pretty much drive anywhere in Oregon and enjoy it because I would have to say that the MEN & WOMEN in Oregon Kick ASS for being beautiful !!

The ladies in oregon are hott. They are better than California girls. The ladies in Oregon like to hang at the beach in their bikinis, hike, rock climb, camp, and jump outta planes. They just flat out ROCK!!! (AGAIN, DON”T DIS THE CALI GIRLS)

Oregon is the only state where you will have to switch between AC and heater several times during the day!

Oregon is home. (NOW IT IS!)

The world does not stop just because it rains

We recycle because it's the right thing to do

In Oregon, you get a nickel for every soda can or beer can/bottle you drink!